Not Every Question Is Deconstruction

When a child raised in church starts asking hard questions, a lot of parents panic. The word that comes to mind is deconstruction. Marie and I talked this week about why kids from Christian homes question the faith or walk away. If everything's deconstruction, nothing is deconstruction.

There are really three things we could be talking about. Deconversion is walking away from Christianity entirely. Deconstructing Christian culture is questioning the way faith was laid out at home or in church, not turning from Christ. Then there is deconstructing and reconstructing. You question what you were taught and discover a deeper biblical truth.

When I teach on this, I use three words. Faith says, I believe. Doubt says, I'm having a hard time believing. Unbelief says, I will not believe. In Matthew 23, Jesus said he would have gathered them, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not. That was not an inability to believe. It was an unwillingness.

Marie asked the harder question. Did they ever own their faith? Were they a compliant child or a converted child? As a mom, she said, "I want to believe for you." But she can't. Neither can I. We do not pressure a decision to make ourselves feel better. We let the Holy Spirit work.

Raising them in church is not the same as discipling them. The Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us. We want our children to enflesh the Word, not just know it. Jesus said, if any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine. The way to know is to do. Head, heart, and hands.

Sometimes it is not Christ they are rejecting. It is hypocrisy they saw at home or in church. Marie has sat with young adults in counseling, and that was the number one reason. A faith that is nothing but a whole bunch of don'ts invites rebellion too.

Do not be afraid of their questions. If mom and dad shut a question down, the child does not stop asking. They go to the internet, and the algorithm feeds them fast. It's okay to say, I don't know. It's not okay to leave it there.

And if your adult child walks away? Pray for them. Stay present. You might be the lone voice of biblical truth in their life. Be patient and play the long game.

Marie closed with this. When our children are grown, will they only remember what we believed, or will they remember why we love Jesus and why we serve Him?

Watch the episode

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBGQGkZPKgk

Scripture

Matthew 23:37. John 1:14. John 7:17. 2 Timothy 3:5. 1 Peter 4:17.

If this helped, send it to a parent whose child is asking hard questions. Not as a lecture. As a reminder to keep the door open.