I Was Wrong. Will You Forgive Me?

"So if you were offended, I apologize." That is how Marie and I opened this week. She told me it was the worst apology she had ever heard. She was right.

Scripture gives us a better word than apologize. Confession. To confess is to agree with God. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins. Marie added something I needed to hear. Motive. Some people throw out an apology because they just don't want you mad anymore. That is not sorry.

The hardest part of an apology is finding the humility to admit we were wrong and be willing to make it right. Pride says, I didn't do anything wrong. For some of us, the desire to be right becomes more important than the desire to be reconciled.

I had to learn this at a car dealership. We drove over two hours for a car one of our daughters loved, only to be told it was already sold. I overreacted, and my daughters were watching. Marie said it best. I was justified in my frustration. Where it got slippery was the way I said it. That is what I apologized for.

I gave an explanation, not an excuse. An explanation helps the person you hurt understand the why. An excuse sounds like this. I was tired. I was only joking. You took it the wrong way. Once you cross into excuses, it stops being a confession.

Humility is contagious. When one person is genuinely humble, it is hard for the other to stand there in pride. We walked through what I call the Fab Five of apology.

Admit it. I was wrong. Confession without qualification.

Acknowledge it. I hurt you. Maybe I didn't intend it, but that is not the point.

Accept it. No excuses. No "but."

Ask for it. Will you forgive me? That puts the ball in their court.

Alter it. Repentance is a change of mind, which leads to a change of emotion, which leads to a change of behavior.

We are commanded to forgive. We are not always commanded to restore. Some situations, like abuse, cannot be restored.

Before we wrapped, I owed Marie one. I had corrected her about the Fab Five on camera. So I said it. I'm sorry I corrected you and made you feel stupid. Will you forgive me? She did. Confession is good for the soul.

Watch the episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duTRajmY9Mc

1 John 1:9. James 4:8-10. Proverbs 28:13. Ephesians 4:32. Philippians 2:3.

If this helped, send it to someone you owe an apology. Not as a lecture. As a first step toward making it right.