Have You Been Called a Narcissist Lately?

The word is everywhere now. Someone is selfish at Thanksgiving, hard to correct at church, or controlling in a marriage, and we reach for it. Narcissist.

Daniel and Marie sat down to slow that word down. Marie comes at it as a counselor. Daniel comes at it as a pastor. Both of them keep sending you back to the mirror before you start labeling the people around you.

Not everyone who gets called a narcissist is one. Narcissistic personality disorder is pervasive, persistent, and patterned, and it has to be diagnosed by a professional. There are real tendencies, though, and they do not all look the same. Some of it is loud and grandiose. Some of it is quiet and wounded and always the victim. Either way, the person has to stay at the center.

They also said this is not only “out there.” Pride is the first sin. The heart without Christ already leans that way. So the most honest thing you can do after this episode is not to make a list of other people. It is to ask whether you can take correction, apologize without a “but,” and let someone else be right.

If you are living with these patterns in a marriage, a workplace, or a church, they were clear. Pray. Set a boundary that gives the other person a choice. Get help from someone who is not in the middle of it. You cannot change them. You can point them to Christ and then step back.

The opposite of narcissism is not hating yourself. It is Christ at the center.

Watch the episode https://youtu.be/KAS1XaWYhV8

Books they mentioned

• Erwin W. Lutzer, The Power of a Clear Conscience (https://www.amazon.com/Power-Clear-Conscience-Free-Your/dp/0736953051). Chapter 8 treats narcissism as more than selfishness. A broken conscience produces deep self absorption.

• Bill Gillham, Lifetime Guarantee (https://www.amazon.com/Lifetime-Guarantee-Making-Christian-Doesnt/dp/0736947868). The flesh is a system of patterns. Those patterns can be crucified.

Scripture in the conversation

2 Timothy 3:2. Romans 1. Psalm 103:14. Romans 14:5. Philippians 3:14. Galatians 5:16-17. Jeremiah 13:23. 1 Timothy 1:15. Philippians 2:3. 1 Corinthians 15:10.

If this named something in you, that is mercy, not a life sentence. If you need counseling, reach out to someone who can walk you through the truth of God’s Word. Do not try to carry it alone.