If You Won the Argument and Lost the Person

We have lost the ability to disagree without losing the person.

It is not just toilet paper and pecan pie. It is identity. It is politics. It is church. It is marriage. Somebody says something you cannot go along with, and before long you are not talking about the issue. You are talking about them.

Marie and I sat down this week to talk about that. She comes at it as a counselor. I come at it as a pastor. We keep landing in the same place.

If it is a preference, you can let it go. If it is Scripture, you stand. Either way, you do not have to be a jerk.

James said it plain. Be swift to hear. Slow to speak. Slow to wrath. Most of us flip that. We get mad, we talk, and we never really listen.

You can hold a high standard. You should. Fly your flag a mile high. Then dig your compassion a mile deep. Too many of us have won the argument and not converted anybody. We do not want to be known as the bulldog on the playground. We want people to say, they take the Bible seriously, and they are the kindest people in town.

That is true at church. It is true in a marriage. You can disagree with your spouse and still hold their hand on the way home. You do not have to crack the foundation to be right.

So ask yourself before you wage the battle. Is this a conviction, a standard, or just my opinion? Am I trying to understand, or am I trying to win? If you win and lose the person, you did not win.

Watch the episode:
https://youtu.be/8AtTqiiF164

James 1:19. John 1:14. Ephesians 4:15. Philippians 2:3.

If this helped, send it to someone you still love and still disagree with. Not as a weapon. As an invitation to stay in the room.